tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-331071292012-02-11T18:41:01.953-05:00Poor Widow Me ®Last Spouse StandingCopyright 2010 by Carol Scibellihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15360376185565606840noreply@blogger.comBlogger1921100tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-33107129.post-22437047593193917612011-09-14T07:03:00.003-04:002011-09-14T07:44:02.008-04:00I've Moved OnI don't even know if anyone will come to this blog anymore - who will read this? I've directed everyone I know to my new website/blog...www.PoorWidowMe.com - and now it also clicks through from www.CarolScibelli.com. But, will that stop me from talking? Nope...here I go...
As you know, I started this blog just a couple of months after my husband died and here it is almost five and a half yearsCopyright 2010 by Carol Scibellihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15360376185565606840noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-33107129.post-61296423436172780282011-08-03T23:38:00.000-04:002011-08-03T23:38:55.674-04:00A New Website...almost
Hey everyone - been away finishing up my book (will be available soon) and getting ready to do a fun workshop at Camp Widow in San Diego. Will be back asap...to give more details about my new website and blog...
Thanks for stopping by...Copyright 2010 by Carol Scibellihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15360376185565606840noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-33107129.post-43483342218883036502011-06-05T08:58:00.000-04:002011-06-05T08:58:26.690-04:00People Assume...PEOPLE ASSUME…
~If I look great, I feel great.
~Divorce is the same as death.
~ A loss is a loss
~The man I’m with at the movies must be my husband. Oops.
~I’m ready to date.
~ I want to date.
~ I’ll never get married again.
~ Of course, I’ll get married again.
~ I will sell the house.
~ I will never sell the house.
~ They know how I feel because their cat died.
Any others you canCopyright 2010 by Carol Scibellihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15360376185565606840noreply@blogger.com9tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-33107129.post-19647787015352060652011-05-10T09:05:00.000-04:002011-05-10T09:05:42.063-04:00Time Sensitive MaterialToday I got a piece of mail that was addressed to my husband who has been deceased for five years. On the envelope it read;
"Time sensitive material." Copyright 2010 by Carol Scibellihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15360376185565606840noreply@blogger.com7tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-33107129.post-2078871781562443422011-04-13T17:05:00.000-04:002011-04-13T17:05:35.970-04:00Mean Jean's Thoughts on Widowers“It seems like the entire Tri-state area is asking me if I have a boyfriend." I said.
Mean Jean, my bereavement shrink responds with a snort and then she shakes her head and she says,
“If you were a man you’d be remarried already or certainly on your way.”
“I know” I answered. “On average men remarry at two years and women at five.”
“Do you know why that is?” she asked
“Why?"
“Copyright 2010 by Carol Scibellihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15360376185565606840noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-33107129.post-16391007816050240122011-03-16T10:30:00.000-04:002011-03-16T10:30:17.730-04:00Cheating by Quoting Maya AngelouOkay. Okay...obviously I didn't write this and I'm not black and six feet tall and a genius as Maya Angelou is. Just thought poor widow me would pass it along ~ fun to give inspiration~ And, I did add the pink...that practically makes me a co-author!
'MAYA ANGELOU'S'
BEST POEM EVER
A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE
enough
money within her control to move out
and rent a place of her own,
even if she Copyright 2010 by Carol Scibellihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15360376185565606840noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-33107129.post-89853631178502720412011-02-22T16:18:00.002-05:002011-02-22T16:39:01.697-05:00Facebook Meet UpsI had exactly three dates before Jimmy and I began to “go steady.” Each one was under fifteen years old. No one was driving me into a secluded grassy area to have his way with me and it was unlikely that a pimply, goofy teen was going to sprinkle my milkshake with Ruffies or Special K. I doubt they would have known what to do with me, anyway.
These days I’m approached on the Facebook private Copyright 2010 by Carol Scibellihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15360376185565606840noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-33107129.post-86991985381269443842011-02-02T17:33:00.001-05:002011-02-02T17:36:01.251-05:00Fender Bender - A Clip from Workshop at Camp Widow in San DiegoCopyright 2010 by Carol Scibellihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15360376185565606840noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-33107129.post-55202718132522549542011-01-30T20:05:00.001-05:002011-01-30T20:08:11.235-05:00Fender Bender - A Workshop Clip from Camp Widow in San DiegoCopyright 2010 by Carol Scibellihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15360376185565606840noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-33107129.post-14673581930013679312011-01-25T14:27:00.001-05:002011-01-25T16:18:16.004-05:00Widows Reveal: Why I HATE to DATEYesterday's entry was quotes by widows who love to date. Today, we spiral down to the reasons widows HATE to DATE. As before, my two cents will be in red.
Widows Reveal: Why I HATE to DATE
"How could I get naked in front of someone new? Have you seen my thighs?
_Diane, Grand Rapids, Michigan Yes, Diane...keep 'em covered!
"I just want a friend to go dancing with. Copyright 2010 by Carol Scibellihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15360376185565606840noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-33107129.post-10938532280754293312011-01-24T17:48:00.002-05:002011-01-24T18:36:54.261-05:00Widows Reveal: The BEST Part of Dating I thought I'd start out with the positive today, and tomorrow post widows response to reasons NOT to date. Just so you know, eleven women gave it a thumbs up and nine said, "No way."
In some cases, I couldn't resist commenting. My two cents is indicated in RED Hey, I get comments here all the time, right?
Widows Reveal: The BEST Part of Dating:
"I'm part of the couples club again."
Copyright 2010 by Carol Scibellihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15360376185565606840noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-33107129.post-22207029064510485322011-01-17T14:33:00.002-05:002011-01-17T17:04:46.916-05:00Poor Widow Me in a NutshellAfter dating for four years, we finally got married at the ripe old age of 22. My son, Doug, now a bachelor at 30, teased my husband since he was little,
"Dad, you got wrapped up early" he'd say.
It felt so natural for us. I remember being beside myself with excitement when the year turned to 1972.
"This is the year we'll be husband and wife!" I'd gush often and loud.
Jimmy would Copyright 2010 by Carol Scibellihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15360376185565606840noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-33107129.post-64226686924155801322010-12-27T13:44:00.002-05:002010-12-27T14:41:13.989-05:00Miracle on Long Island
A miracle happened on Christmas Day. Miracle is a huge word. I realize this. I try not to overuse it, just like brilliant and genius. I reserve those words for Woody Allen and for Skylar my 6 and a half year old granddaughter.
The last time I witnessed a miracle was when my daughter was pregnant with Sky and I said to Glenn, my then son-in-law.
“This is a miracle!”
He responded, “Copyright 2010 by Carol Scibellihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15360376185565606840noreply@blogger.com11tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-33107129.post-77205866037607957142010-12-12T22:07:00.003-05:002010-12-12T23:37:58.791-05:00Young & Ugly Beats Old & PrettyWhen did "Poor Widow Me" lose my appeal? Walking towards my office the cat calls from hunky construction workers were constant. I admit, that was in 1970 when I was twenty, but guys, have a heart. Can’t you eek out a pity whistle to make a 60 year old widow happy?
I'll believe that you think I'm hot. I promise you. My needy gene will argue with my rational brain and my needy gene will win. Copyright 2010 by Carol Scibellihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15360376185565606840noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-33107129.post-61281997551305036242010-12-05T22:00:00.001-05:002010-12-05T22:15:09.737-05:00Run-Away Widow Joins the Circus (sorta) Hey, That's Me!David Moye of AOL wrote this story:
Showbiz is a hard career, but it's even more difficult if you're trying to make it big by singing "Silent Night" like a pigeon, yodeling while milking a cardboard goat or imitating Ralph Kramden doing Shakespeare.
But New York radio personality Leslie Gold is doing a sort of showbiz stimulus package for people whose talents are, shall we say, less easily Copyright 2010 by Carol Scibellihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15360376185565606840noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-33107129.post-82671994201805926552010-12-03T21:39:00.001-05:002010-12-05T21:39:38.428-05:00A Widow Joins The CircusWeird News
Live 'Gong Show' Gives Break to Yodeling Goat-Milkers, Other Quirky ActsUpdated: 38 days 10 hours ago
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David Moye
Contributor
AOL News (Oct. 26) -- Showbiz is a hard career, but it's even more difficult if you're trying to make it big by singing "Silent Night" like a pigeon, Copyright 2010 by Carol Scibellihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15360376185565606840noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-33107129.post-69149643048766400582010-11-26T22:25:00.005-05:002010-11-27T19:20:39.962-05:00Dancing With Poor Widow Me“I wish we had danced more” was one of the last “we” things Jimmy ever said to me. One of the first “I” things I did after he died was to take dancing lessons. Until recently that didn’t occur to me as odd. I hadn’t actually put it together.
Dancing is so wonderfully romantic and sexy. For a long time when I heard a ballad, any song that could be slow danced to I pictured and actually felt Copyright 2010 by Carol Scibellihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15360376185565606840noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-33107129.post-42449211127826705162010-11-12T11:30:00.001-05:002010-11-12T11:44:47.887-05:00Rain Check Please!After the funeral I wanted to be left alone. The suffocating hugs and tears and the “Call me. I’ll bring over a bagel. I’ll scoop it out for you” was kind, but irritating. There was no pleasing me. Bring Jimmy back. That’s all I wanted.
I wish today, four and a half years later, I could cash in on the services offered then. “Rain check, please!” should have been my mantra. Sympathy ought to Copyright 2010 by Carol Scibellihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15360376185565606840noreply@blogger.com11tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-33107129.post-9847649889090830722010-10-30T23:02:00.004-04:002010-10-31T00:07:29.449-04:00A Remarried Widow?
Here’s an inside scoop for all of the non-widowed people out there. At widow gatherings one of the most popular lines is: “People who haven’t lost their spouse just don’t ‘get it.’” I shake my head and say it, too. It's true.
We widows don’t really expect you to understand, though, at least, I don’t. Life is full of tragedies that I haven’t experienced and therefore, I don't 'get'. Even Copyright 2010 by Carol Scibellihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15360376185565606840noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-33107129.post-87572334670557530512010-10-26T13:08:00.001-04:002010-10-26T13:10:32.897-04:00Busy Being Peggy Da Pigeon - See AOL story...Hey, it's not all about being a widow all of the time. Sometimes, we just have to spread our wings.
http://www.aolnews.com/weird-news/article/live-gong-show-gives-break-to-yodeling-goat-milkers-and-other-quirky-talents/19684319Copyright 2010 by Carol Scibellihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15360376185565606840noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-33107129.post-36367045504375130852010-10-13T12:10:00.001-04:002010-10-13T13:25:54.332-04:00Alternate Ending for "Keeping His Memory Alive"Just to say that I'm writing this blog and the book "Poor Widow Me" at the same time. It's a memoir, written from today looking back. I'm rethinking yesterdays ending to the blog "Keeping His Memory Alive" and I wrote an alternate ending.
Hoping you might take a moment to let me know which version you prefer and why - either as a comment here or to my e-mail address:
CScibelli@aol.com or Copyright 2010 by Carol Scibellihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15360376185565606840noreply@blogger.com7tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-33107129.post-44193437036811762912010-10-12T21:38:00.003-04:002010-10-13T12:11:22.172-04:00Keeping His Memory AliveTomorrow is October 13th - four and a half years since Jimmy died. The 13th is supposed to be unlucky for everybody, but I was born on the 7th day of the 7th month. I always knew that the 13th would be extra unlucky for me. Oh, right, and I guess extra-extra unlucky for Jimmy.
Watching time click into the second half of the 4th year makes me take notice of how my life and the lives of Copyright 2010 by Carol Scibellihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15360376185565606840noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-33107129.post-81371669056084580482010-10-02T16:16:00.000-04:002010-10-02T16:16:41.788-04:00Searching the Internet for 'Loss'I was looking for articles about LOSS and this is what I found. It isn't exactly
about losing a husband, but since mine was heavier than the average husband - is mine a greater loss?
1 pound = a Guinea Pig
1.5 pounds = a dozen Krispy Kreme glazed donuts
2 pounds = a rack of baby back ribs
3 pounds = an average human brain
4 pounds = an ostrich egg
5 pounds = a Chihuahua
6 pounds =Copyright 2010 by Carol Scibellihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15360376185565606840noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-33107129.post-78692053921917632642010-09-22T15:02:00.001-04:002010-09-22T15:36:17.327-04:00Tempting FateFacts you need to know before reading this.
1. Jimmy had a convertible. He’d hop in – well, maybe not ‘hop’ and shout out
"Oh, I love the wind in my hair!" After 2 miles on the highway my hair would be a rat’s nest. Guess how often we took the convertible?
3. We both loved to gamble in casinos and 9 out of 10 times I lost. He called me his anchor, but not in a good way.
4. JimmyCopyright 2010 by Carol Scibellihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15360376185565606840noreply@blogger.com7tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-33107129.post-43009048167905479322010-09-14T12:02:00.001-04:002010-09-14T12:21:30.750-04:00I Even Asked my Friends on Facebook: Do I Go to the Funeral?Yesterday I wrote that I went to a funeral three months after Jimmy died. Some readers asked me why I brought that up more than four years later? A few felt that I was going backwards. “Slipping” another said.
I meant to write about my friend Lewie Bernstein who just died on Friday. Lewie and I knew each other slightly in high school and until our 40th reunion a handful of years ago I hadn’t Copyright 2010 by Carol Scibellihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15360376185565606840noreply@blogger.com8tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-33107129.post-33289557426526016042010-09-13T14:55:00.001-04:002010-09-13T16:33:20.413-04:00Three Months, a Funeral & a Whoopi Goldberg MomentAbout three months after Jimmy died my good friend Henry’s father passed away. I needed to be there for him and his family even though it broke up my routine of staying home and feeling sorry for myself.
It was bad enough walking up the steps to the funeral home but it was impossible for me to cross the threshold into the room where the body was laid out. I tried. I willed my legs to step Copyright 2010 by Carol Scibellihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15360376185565606840noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-33107129.post-20002300845910128792010-09-05T10:04:00.002-04:002010-09-05T10:33:36.935-04:00Why Didn't Mathman Call?Mathman hasn't called me. Did he lose my number?
I guess I didn't make the grade.
I weighed the pluses and minuses of our relationship.
Maybe we weren't equal.
When I mentioned pie, I meant apple and he was talking 3.14.
No bras have ever been truly comfortable on me, especially algebra.
Apparently he didn't think we were compatible...too divided.
I fantasized about having sex with him onCopyright 2010 by Carol Scibellihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15360376185565606840noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-33107129.post-55609639024998349422010-09-04T15:17:00.000-04:002010-09-04T15:17:36.852-04:00Can Math Be Funny?I met a man.
We had lunch.
He's a math teacher.
Something doesn't add up. Copyright 2010 by Carol Scibellihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15360376185565606840noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-33107129.post-53898283155631940552010-09-03T11:14:00.003-04:002010-09-03T14:47:26.413-04:00Would a group called "Man Haters" be Successful on Facebook?“There’s a fine, fine line between love and a waste of time.” That’s a lyric from a song, from the musical Avenue Q.” I posted this on Facebook and women thought I was starting a man hating group - and wanted to join.
Personally, I can see a group called "Men Are Annoying." Hate is reserved for huge discressions like the time Jimmy called my new haircut "a non event." That was mean. I hated Copyright 2010 by Carol Scibellihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15360376185565606840noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-33107129.post-22295221764977141982010-08-30T16:52:00.006-04:002010-08-30T17:28:26.049-04:00Retail Therapy?Give me a break! And, I don’t mean on the price. The expression ‘retail therapy’ is trotted out by anyone who needs an excuse to shop. This is just like “comfort food” is a reason to stuff our face with carbs. There. I’ve said it.
I hadn’t heard about ‘retail therapy’ until someone posted about it on Facebook recently. A flood of responses revealing purchases they made after their husband or Copyright 2010 by Carol Scibellihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15360376185565606840noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-33107129.post-39788535092546370362010-08-27T15:29:00.000-04:002010-08-27T15:29:10.124-04:00Shot in the FingerYesterday my husband and I would have been married for 38 years. The last anniversary we celebrated was #33. Jimmy was healthy and happy, but if you had a gun to my head I couldn’t tell you where we went and what we did. I’m sure it had something to do with sex. And, sex. Oh, yeah, and sex.
I do remember our 25th. For that milestone anniversary I bought Jimmy a gorgeous new wedding band. It’s Copyright 2010 by Carol Scibellihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15360376185565606840noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-33107129.post-88097567203628098092010-08-19T10:05:00.000-04:002010-08-19T10:05:28.107-04:00The Future Mrs. Dan or Don!So I went to a psychic. I won’t mention her name, but she knows who she is. What she didn’t know is that I’m a widow. You’d think that would be pouring out of my DNA.
This psychic is the same person who’s able to tell a radio caller that her eight year old will grow up to be a veterinarian. Face to face shouldn’t she know that my face is screaming out “Poor Widow Me?”
Perhaps I should have Copyright 2010 by Carol Scibellihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15360376185565606840noreply@blogger.com7tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-33107129.post-24710405989916161572010-08-10T17:45:00.003-04:002010-08-10T17:59:39.597-04:00Facebook & Widowhood
Buffy, Supa Fresh (Robin Moore) Hyla Molander (Drop Dead Life) and Poor Widow Me
Believe me, widowhood is not the neighborhood you want to live in. Besides all the obvious, there’s uncertainty. At every corner, there’s a decision to be made. Where’s my husband to stop me from making yet another idiotic choice? Of course, when he was alive I rarely listened, but at least I had the option.
Copyright 2010 by Carol Scibellihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15360376185565606840noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-33107129.post-62119145918974298772010-07-24T21:04:00.001-04:002010-07-24T21:07:08.115-04:00Saturday Night LiveIt’s Saturday night. A handful of years ago we'd be out to dinner with another couple. I’d order that third glass of Cabernet and avoid Jimmy’s disapproving eyes. These days I’m driving myself home so I rarely have more than one. Ironic, now that I need it.
On a hot summer night like tonight we’d drive a town away to Freeport for ice-cream or go over to the Jones Beach boardwalk and play Copyright 2010 by Carol Scibellihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15360376185565606840noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-33107129.post-68633736049392853012010-07-09T12:11:00.000-04:002010-07-09T12:11:25.366-04:00How to be a Gracious WidowAlmost daily I post a question for widows and widowers on Facebook. Many people respond. Using social media seems like a great way to get us to delve into our own feelings and share them. It helps all of us.
This morning I posted: How can we be a 'good' widow, a gracious widow?" Any thoughts?
Several people responded that it wasn't their place to be anything but who they were and they Copyright 2010 by Carol Scibellihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15360376185565606840noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-33107129.post-40112779494093251842010-06-15T11:48:00.006-04:002010-06-15T18:56:34.156-04:00WHY Poor Widow Me? WHY NOT?I was reading the Wedding announcements in Sunday’s New York Times because I assumed they would be cheerier than my daily dose of obituaries.
My habit of reading the obits stopped immediately when Jimmy died. The
words literally took my breath away. Like smiling, though, my urge
to peek in returned a short time later.
I used to, as my father would say “make a big production” out of readingCopyright 2010 by Carol Scibellihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15360376185565606840noreply@blogger.com7tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-33107129.post-64822757596097306162010-05-27T11:19:00.000-04:002010-05-27T11:19:33.364-04:00Widow Envy - Think AgainIt’s not all fun and games being a widow, you know. Doing what I want when I want has drawbacks that I’ll bet you married people with ‘widow envy’ have never considered.
No partner means no compromise and, granted, on the surface this is a plus. Compromise is a dirty word in all households. I know this from the old days before I was ‘Poor Widow Me.’ I would argue my case, go to bed angry and Copyright 2010 by Carol Scibellihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15360376185565606840noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-33107129.post-83390474034412818532010-04-30T14:49:00.003-04:002010-04-30T15:23:02.814-04:00Tony Baloney - The Love of my Life - Sorry, Jimmy (Part Four & FINAL) Which one is Tony? Which is his toy?
It’s two and a half years since Sheri and Old Mike talked me into taking Tony into my life. Remember Sheri predicted she’d either be a hero or I’d hate her?
Well, plans are in the works to invite everyone I know to a special award ceremony where I will present her with a genuine imitation diamond studded Tony Copyright 2010 by Carol Scibellihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15360376185565606840noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-33107129.post-5105059049513526452010-04-28T12:11:00.001-04:002010-04-28T12:30:59.418-04:00Tony Baloney - The Love of my Life - Sorry, Jimmy (Part Three)“Bones” became “Tony” the very first day. My friend Henry suggested “Find a name that rhymes with Bones. That would make for an easy transition.”
Bone, roam, Scone, Ton…Tony! My new roommate licked my nose. He liked it! He really liked it!
“Baloney” after Tony was a natural, like Knick Knack. Also, it softened the tough guy image. Who’d be afraid of Tony Baloney Soprano?
Tony was able to Copyright 2010 by Carol Scibellihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15360376185565606840noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-33107129.post-46839099845263270642010-04-26T11:45:00.003-04:002010-04-26T22:12:45.891-04:00PART TWO - Con't from yesterday - Tony Boloney - The Love of my Life - Sorry, Jimmy Old Mike Visits Tony Boloney March 2010
It took some coaxing but my good friend, and next door neighbor, Sheri convinced me we should follow Old Mike back to his house where one year old Morkie named Bones was waiting for a new mommy. Old Mike had two dogs besides Bones and he couldn’t keep him. The woman who was supposed to take him never showed. Sheri told me it was “fateCopyright 2010 by Carol Scibellihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15360376185565606840noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-33107129.post-44700239435515051332010-04-25T22:31:00.005-04:002010-04-26T11:54:23.681-04:00Tony Boloney - The Love of my Life - Sorry, Jimmy (Part One)After the kids moved out I continued to nag Jimmy for a dog. My empty nest and I didn't want a dog now but it gave me leverage for things I did want. Over time I perfected the guilt trip. Not having a dog even got me a trip to Paris one summer.
I had genuinely yearned for a puppy when Jackie and Doug were little and Jimmy's lame excuse was allergies. Both kids inherited his 'I'm ruining Copyright 2010 by Carol Scibellihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15360376185565606840noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-33107129.post-8455078569764348522010-04-12T23:18:00.004-04:002010-04-13T15:28:47.548-04:00Die of a Broken Heart? Not me - I'd Rather Be Run Over By A Bus!The other night an old friend said: "My mother passed away ten years ago. Within six months my Dad died, too. He died of a broken heart."
I asked her how old he was. "84" was her answer. I felt a mean smile coming on so I picked up my wine glass to hide behind. Since my lips were hovering by the rim I took several quick sips. Now the Cabernet buzz made my big mouth blurt out:
"Well, atCopyright 2010 by Carol Scibellihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15360376185565606840noreply@blogger.com9tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-33107129.post-22945842398967100712010-04-04T21:24:00.000-04:002010-04-04T21:24:38.571-04:00Daughter Trys to Steal Widowed Mom's DateDear Poor Widow Me,
I lost my husband almost three years ago in a small plane accident. We were married 60 years and have a 44 year old daugher, Lisa. (NOW she is 44)
Even though I recently turned 83 I began to date trying http://www.match.com/. Lisa encouraged me and even helped me write my profile and she took my picture.
I just found out that she called both men I dated and asked to meet Copyright 2010 by Carol Scibellihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15360376185565606840noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-33107129.post-74069688683714418082010-03-17T18:19:00.001-04:002010-03-17T18:28:49.744-04:00Thanks for Being RealDear Carol,
I'm "Human Bob" - you posted my e-mail yesterday. I was thrilled to see it in print, but more importantly, I was sneaky and had my friend cut and paste
your blog site to send to my boss and various others in my office.
I didn't know that she also sent it to my parents. I was a little
suspicious when my father called last night to ask how I was doing! This is a first - Copyright 2010 by Carol Scibellihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15360376185565606840noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-33107129.post-6104718923757928642010-03-16T10:42:00.001-04:002010-03-16T12:58:20.398-04:00Gay LossDear Carol,
I am a gay man (28) who was in a committed relationship with Dick (really) (40) for three years. Four months ago he was in a fatal car crash. Thankfully (for him) he died on impact.
For me, I am adrift because we had just had a huge fight and now I am left with feelings of not only loss, but guilt that my last words to him were "%$#^*".
On top of that - other than Copyright 2010 by Carol Scibellihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15360376185565606840noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-33107129.post-35870070255604885152010-03-06T16:55:00.000-05:002010-03-06T16:55:20.428-05:00Lunch with Another WidowDear Carol,
Can we have lunch? I am loath to put in an email what is going on in my mind and heart right now. Yes, even under a pseudonym, it is still too embarrassing.
I respect your opinion very much. So far on your Blog site you have pretty much nailed it for all the comers as far as I am concerned.
I see you mention Long Island...I am in Rockland County. I would gladly make Copyright 2010 by Carol Scibellihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15360376185565606840noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-33107129.post-34842904726810773832010-03-01T15:14:00.002-05:002010-03-04T10:47:31.241-05:00Cosmetic Surgery?Dear PWM,
My Tom is gone 7 years now. I am 54 and not in bad shape. My question is: Cosmetic surgery? What? When? How? Is this a post menoposal obsession?
I love your blog and your answers make me nod my head in agreement. So- what are your thoughts?
I am talking everything from ass to head. If I am going, I am coming out a new woman.
Thanks for helping me and all widows.
Regards,
Copyright 2010 by Carol Scibellihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15360376185565606840noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-33107129.post-38830629414151848012010-02-06T17:36:00.001-05:002010-02-06T17:37:09.963-05:00Show Me the MoneyDear PWM,
My kids think I have lost my mind! I lost their father 5 years ago to an automobile accident. We are (were) a blue collar family and quite content.
Tim's loss was catastrophic for my family but we're coping. My 3 children were in their 20's and out of the house. I recently received a substantial settlement from the bus company's insurance carrier. It was in the millionsCopyright 2010 by Carol Scibellihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15360376185565606840noreply@blogger.com10tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-33107129.post-9358719506968665892010-01-26T15:37:00.004-05:002010-01-26T16:29:00.793-05:00Dating for Dummies, I mean Widows My mother-in-law, Fanny used to say, “It’s a couple’s world. I feel like a fifth wheel.” The first year I was widowed each time I was seated with couples in a restaurant I was convinced that the waiters winced in pity when they took my order. The husbands always split the bill which I accepted without arguing knowing that Jimmy would never let a woman alone pay.
Gradually I became Copyright 2010 by Carol Scibellihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15360376185565606840noreply@blogger.com12tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-33107129.post-21850187626863560122010-01-22T12:51:00.004-05:002010-01-23T11:12:17.892-05:00Tradition For the last few weeks I've been thinking about how we're wired to expect and to count on all things staying the same. This is crazy when the only real constant in our lives is change (not pocket change).
The holidays are over but it's never more evident than when we're asked "What do you do on Christmas Eve?" Not, what are you doing THIS Christmas Eve?
A line in the song Have Copyright 2010 by Carol Scibellihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15360376185565606840noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-33107129.post-2999674605300508512010-01-05T12:35:00.002-05:002010-01-05T12:39:23.555-05:00Old Stuff/New StuffI've spent all morning waiting for the garbage truck. Yesterday I cleaned house - literally. I threw away old stuff to make room for new stuff.
It felt great, not sad, to toss boxes originally from Jimmy's office filled with letterhead and envelopes and correspondance from 2002. A year ago I would have kept them because there were a few notations here and there in his handwriting.
I got Copyright 2010 by Carol Scibellihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15360376185565606840noreply@blogger.com11tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-33107129.post-68593410916489445122009-12-11T11:08:00.003-05:002009-12-11T11:59:41.783-05:00Holiday Widow Alert: Listening to Mozart Can Make Us FatI'd like to think of myself as a watchdog for all widows. In other words, people, I've got your back.
Holiday time can be especially difficult for widows and others who have lost a loved one - no matter how long it's been. Those sappy seasonal songs that we sing off key bring us back to a place we've tried all year to tuck away.
The old familiar ornaments we drag out and put on the tree Copyright 2010 by Carol Scibellihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15360376185565606840noreply@blogger.com13tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-33107129.post-32436081159176381652009-12-08T12:57:00.002-05:002009-12-08T13:06:39.712-05:0010 Stupid Things People Say to Widows About - Dating1. "Is he better in bed than your husband was?"
2. "I know it's sad that he died, but these days
being a cougar is in!"
3. "You're wearing that? You're gonna have to get a
whole new wardrobe!"
4. "I hope this one doesn't drop dead."
5. (from a divorcee) "At least you don't have to
worry about running into him."
6. "Too bad my husband is still alive. Copyright 2010 by Carol Scibellihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15360376185565606840noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-33107129.post-80042816110068335862009-12-01T11:29:00.003-05:002009-12-09T09:10:32.600-05:00Take Naps & Other Stuff We Can Learn From Dogs
Tony Boloney Waffles Scibelli
(This was sent to me and I wanted to share it with my readers...added a bit of my own spin to it)
If a dog was our teacher, we would learn stuff like:
When loved ones come home, always run to greet them.
When it's in our best interest, practice obedience.
Let others know when they've invaded our territory.
TAKE NAPS
Stretch before rising.
Run, romp, and Copyright 2010 by Carol Scibellihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15360376185565606840noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-33107129.post-87945367614496534082009-11-30T20:04:00.000-05:002009-11-30T20:04:47.912-05:0010 Stupid Things People Say to Widows - About Bereavement GroupsSince I posted the 10 Stupid Things People Say to Widows about Holidays the phone lines lit up with many more stupid things. Wait. I'm not on the radio. That was just an expression. No phones were involved.
1. "Any hot widows in your group? Maybe I could pretend to be a widower."
2. "I can't imagine what you talk about. Your problem's over."
3. " It's good for you to meet other widows Copyright 2010 by Carol Scibellihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15360376185565606840noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-33107129.post-51660418164812473002009-11-17T11:06:00.003-05:002009-11-18T09:01:33.826-05:0010 Stupid Things People Say to Widows - About HolidaysHiya folks,
In my book Poor Widow Me I wrote a 10 Stupid Things People Say About... for each chapter topic. This is how I end each chapter.
Since the holidays are creeping up this one is for Holidays. If anyone has any to add, please let me know and I'll blog it here.
And, please let me know which one of these is your favorite. Is this an assignment? Sure sounds like one. Ahhhh...Copyright 2010 by Carol Scibellihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15360376185565606840noreply@blogger.com32tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-33107129.post-78732449248660617792009-11-04T00:43:00.000-05:002009-11-04T00:43:49.907-05:00I've Learned...Yes...I stole this. Arrest me. My friend Blondie e-mailed this to me and she promised me good luck if I sent it to five people immediately. I figured if I have good luck sending it to five people - if I blog it to all my readers my luck will go through the roof. (not literally)
I've learned that you cannot make somebody love you.
All you can do is stalk them and hope they panic and give in.Copyright 2010 by Carol Scibellihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15360376185565606840noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-33107129.post-49210245727490658772009-10-26T23:03:00.003-04:002009-10-27T00:14:42.765-04:00Celebrity BaseballI posted this on November 6, 2006 - just seven months after Jimmy died. These days there's a new stadium for all, new seats for us (cheaper, of course) and reminicing is easier. Today my cousin Sharon asked me to re-print this because it was one of her favorites. She said that it's impossible for her to watch a game without seeing Jimmy holding up "the duck." Last night, my son Doug was at the Copyright 2010 by Carol Scibellihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15360376185565606840noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-33107129.post-85694185033027242522009-10-20T14:38:00.005-04:002009-10-20T14:48:54.701-04:00Life After Death?Hey Fellow Widows: Guess what?
There IS life after death...YOUR life.
So get out there and live it!
That was today's public service announcement.
Private services will be held later, but they're private, so don't ask.
PWM,
CarolCopyright 2010 by Carol Scibellihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15360376185565606840noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-33107129.post-25485548806493363722009-10-18T15:05:00.000-04:002009-10-18T15:05:20.193-04:00He's Not Dead. He's Just Quiet "How could they tell?"
...Dorothy Parker when told of "silent" Calvin Coolidge's death
This rings true for me because years ago my mother's third husband, Bill, a quiet fella, was whacked in the head by some crazy person. He was in and out of conciousness, but we barely noticed. It was just like a normal visit. The only difference was he was laying in a hospital bed and not on a Copyright 2010 by Carol Scibellihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15360376185565606840noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-33107129.post-67934399397493150692009-10-09T14:40:00.002-04:002009-10-16T14:36:58.778-04:00George Bernard Shaw Says...Hey Widows: If you feel funny about finding the funny listen to what
George says...
"Life doesn't cease to be funny when people die anymore than it ceases to be serious when people laugh."
...George Bernard ShawCopyright 2010 by Carol Scibellihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15360376185565606840noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-33107129.post-63144797858164745392009-10-06T19:42:00.001-04:002009-10-06T19:43:48.748-04:00Dr. Seuss Says..."Don't cry because it's over. Smile because it happened."
...Dr. SeussCopyright 2010 by Carol Scibellihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15360376185565606840noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-33107129.post-68866033422180555832009-10-03T21:23:00.002-04:002009-10-03T21:27:29.296-04:00Our Profile/Our StatusWe’re dating…exclusively. We’ve posted a photo or two of ‘us’ on our Facebook page. Our status is ‘widowed’ until we see that our bbbbboyfriend has chosen “in a relationship” on his.
“Wait a minute. If he’s in a relationship and it’s me, I must be in a relationship too." This is big. It’s huge. We scroll off “widowed” and stop on “single.” That’s accurate, but it’s screaming a v a i l a b l e.Copyright 2010 by Carol Scibellihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15360376185565606840noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-33107129.post-32931729080897961912009-09-27T15:36:00.001-04:002009-09-27T16:04:29.296-04:00My Widow Advice #30 "Bbbbboyfriend"Dear Carol,
I've been reading your blog ever since my husband passed away three years ago. We were a close couple and many of the feelings you express I share. You are more fluid in your speech than I, yet, I find myself nodding as I read you that you may as well be talking with my mouth.
My dilemma is this - I have found a man who I very much enjoy being with in every sense of the word. Copyright 2010 by Carol Scibellihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15360376185565606840noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-33107129.post-65569719183019100292009-09-21T10:53:00.002-04:002009-09-21T10:57:12.925-04:00Poor Widow Me Included in 100 Best Blogs for Boomer HealthDear Carol,
I know this e-mail is out of the blue, but I just posted an article on my blog entitled "100 Best Blogs for Boomer Health"
at http://www.nursepractitionerprogram.com/100-best-blogs-for-boomer-health/.
Anyway, I am happy to let you know that your site has been included on that list. I figured I'd bring it to your attention.
Have a good week.
Thanks,
Adrienne Carlson
Dear Copyright 2010 by Carol Scibellihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15360376185565606840noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-33107129.post-61324176392916609772009-09-19T14:35:00.002-04:002009-09-19T17:15:30.240-04:00My Widow Advice #29 This Widow is Clonely!Dear Carol,
I am going to ask my dead husband's twin brother to have sex with me. Just one time.
I'm not a big fan of his wife, my sister-in-law, so on that level I don't feel disloyal.
I think my husband would understand. I miss him so much. I ache to hold him again.
How awful on a scale of one to ten do you think this would be?
Love your blog, btw,
Judy
Dear Judy,
I was going to Copyright 2010 by Carol Scibellihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15360376185565606840noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-33107129.post-54706114471248073342009-09-15T09:27:00.005-04:002009-09-15T10:19:57.677-04:00Bad Reviews For Cougar ResponseDear Folks, (folks? who am I? Mini Pearl?)
Several of you told me that my response yesterday to Scorpia - the 52 year old cougar was incomplete. (a mark from school that brings back memories)
I left out something very important...a health warning. I had considered it, but then I thought - hey, she's 52 - she has to know she's putting herself and her various partners at risk.
I didn't want toCopyright 2010 by Carol Scibellihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15360376185565606840noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-33107129.post-29268162845384948362009-09-14T15:21:00.000-04:002009-09-14T15:21:39.311-04:00My Widow Advice #28 I've Turned Into A CougarDear Poor Widow Me,
I would like to know if I'm crazy. I lost my husband only six months ago. I understand this is not a very long time period compared to other bloggers who have written to you.
The truth is I could have written to you three months ago, had I had the guts to do so.
I am 52 years old. I am not in bad shape. I consider myself still a sexy gal. I have been on a fantasy Copyright 2010 by Carol Scibellihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15360376185565606840noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-33107129.post-42847503494043303932009-09-01T16:28:00.005-04:002009-09-01T16:45:33.130-04:00My Widow Advice #27 Am I A Widow If My Husband Is Still Alive?Dear Carol,I feel crazy writing this. Okay, are you ready? I think my husband is still alive. We buried him last August. It was just a year, the 22nd.The thing is he loved to ski. I went to Vermont last February and there he was onthe lift with his feet dangling just the way he did that. His jacket was different, but I figured he’d have to buy all new clothes.I looked for him the rest of the day Copyright 2010 by Carol Scibellihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15360376185565606840noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-33107129.post-36674241756187358292009-08-26T10:30:00.002-04:002009-08-26T11:01:27.502-04:00My Widow Advice #26 Three Time Loser?Dear Poor Widow Me,I have followed your blog since my good friend Natalie told me about it. That was a year ago. I must tell you that I have enjoyed and found useful just about all of your advice...you are a real pro.Although, I hope I don't have to go through the process of bereavement again, I buried my third husband last October (2008) Yes, Carol, number 3 and I am 62 years young. I just Copyright 2010 by Carol Scibellihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15360376185565606840noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-33107129.post-55021267727316767922009-08-19T11:57:00.003-04:002009-08-19T12:36:07.346-04:00My Widow Advice #25 Stress this!Dear Carol,My husband Paul passed on June 23rd - a car hit him. I've been dealing with not only his loss (we were married 17 wonderful years and two girls, 11 and 14) but the anger and frustration of losing him in this senseless way.The police have closed the case and not charged the driver because it seems that Paul had a heart attack and fell into the way of traffic while walking. I'm not Copyright 2010 by Carol Scibellihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15360376185565606840noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-33107129.post-63737231684391577132009-08-17T13:32:00.005-04:002009-08-17T14:21:08.613-04:00My Widow Advice #24 Hey, Widows, You're Not That Special!Dear Carol,I've been reading your blog since a friend sent to me last year a month after my Pete passed. It's been a big big relief to hear that you and so many widows experience many of the samereactions and feelings.In my small town there are no bereavement groups. Your blog is my group!I thought I was going crazy! I'm just writing to say "thank you."God bless you!SharonDear Sharon,Your e-mail Copyright 2010 by Carol Scibellihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15360376185565606840noreply@blogger.com8tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-33107129.post-55039182193993464922009-08-10T15:39:00.003-04:002009-08-10T16:04:48.540-04:00My Widow Advice #23 Back in the BedroomDear Carol, Here is my dilemma. My Paul passed away 2 yrs. ago from a sudden heart attack at age 58. We were married 39 years, no kids, just us. He had gone up to bed & when I went to join him I found him on MY side of the bed. He always took my heating pad out from under the bed & plugged it in for me...Anyway...since then, I have not been able to sleep in our bed, or bedroom. I have Copyright 2010 by Carol Scibellihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15360376185565606840noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-33107129.post-58591914329766812432009-07-22T21:12:00.003-04:002009-07-23T00:47:28.817-04:00150 Poor Widow MeeeesI've been home from San Diego since Sunday but I needed to digest the Widow Conference before I wrote about it. Okay, also, I'm lazy. I had to unpack, do a little laundry, visit Skylar, my cutie pie granddaughter, pick up my perfect dog, Tony and spend time with Mickey, the man I'm seeing who I tell everyone "you can't not like him." (Is that a double negative, Vera?) Vera is my great friend fromCopyright 2010 by Carol Scibellihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15360376185565606840noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-33107129.post-27787661143463944062009-07-13T23:42:00.003-04:002009-07-13T23:54:48.235-04:00A Widow ConferenceHi all,Just to say that I''ll be away this week without a laptop and won't be writing until next week. I'll be in San Diego at a widow conference...Not a big one...just a widow one.What do widows do at a conference? When we first arrive we take our lipstick and paint an upper case W on our forehead. This is why you rarely see a widow with bangs. Anyway, I hope this tribal marking comes off Copyright 2010 by Carol Scibellihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15360376185565606840noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-33107129.post-4717763063239895622009-07-10T14:09:00.004-04:002009-07-10T14:29:22.369-04:00Carol Leifer is a Liar, but Timely for my BlogHi All, I had to break from the letters because this interview is so in tune to what I blogged about last entry...July 8th. On AOL today: Comedian Carol Leifer on Her Mid-Life ChangeAt 40, comedian and author Carol Leifer decided to spice up her life by having a fling with a woman. But the 10-year divorcee never thought that her first lesbian venture would evolve into a 13-year partnership. (Copyright 2010 by Carol Scibellihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15360376185565606840noreply@blogger.com14tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-33107129.post-4055830570902346062009-07-08T13:03:00.004-04:002009-07-08T17:43:24.568-04:00My Widow Advice #22 A Lesbian LessonDear PWM, I've got one for you, Carol. I think I'm a lesbian. 27 years married and I am thinking about approaching this beautiful, sexy woman (who I am almost positive is gay) at my gym. This never crossed my mind in the past, but when I see this gorgeous creature work out and get sweaty, I get a tingle that I haven't had since my honeymoon.My husband, John is dead 7 years now. Good marriage and Copyright 2010 by Carol Scibellihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15360376185565606840noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-33107129.post-51284763860367844022009-06-08T21:09:00.007-04:002009-06-08T23:46:58.049-04:00My Widow Advice #21 Charles in Charge Not Charles - Didn't Have a Photo of a Great DaneDear Carol,I read with interest your answer to Ann, the one whose kids gave her a puppy for Christmas. I had the same situation last year. I was missing my husband. My son gave me a Great Dane puppy. Charles has grown into a huge boy of 187 pounds. He is as gentle as he is big. He is kind and loving. And, like you and your Tony we sleep together. Copyright 2010 by Carol Scibellihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15360376185565606840noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-33107129.post-47647903173354231642009-06-07T21:54:00.001-04:002009-06-07T21:57:47.520-04:00My Widow Man - TonyCopyright 2010 by Carol Scibellihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15360376185565606840noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-33107129.post-19874375704922258002009-06-07T17:52:00.005-04:002009-06-07T18:11:50.563-04:00My Widow Advice #20 Puppy LoveDear Carol,My grown kids surprised me with a puppy last night on Christmas Eve. He’s a cute little thing, (a beagle mix) but I was up all night with him and here it is Christmas Day and I’m exhausted. They told me they didn’t want me to wake up alone this morning, my first holiday without my husband. I am not happy about this because I have told them repeatedly not to get me a dog. They used to Copyright 2010 by Carol Scibellihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15360376185565606840noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-33107129.post-54716763541119359442009-06-05T15:28:00.004-04:002009-06-05T15:53:30.715-04:00My Widow Advice #19 Poor Widow HerDear Carol,My mother-in-law is mad at me – AGAIN. Her husband has been dead for 9 years. Last week was the day. I didn’t call her. I thought of it early in the day and then I got busy. So, shoot me!My husband, (obviously, her son) stopped by her house (she lives 3 blocksaway) that morning to have coffee with her. She told him that doesn’t countbecause they meet up every Tuesday.Also, he doesn’t Copyright 2010 by Carol Scibellihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15360376185565606840noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-33107129.post-50205771170987882432009-06-04T08:40:00.004-04:002009-06-04T09:16:06.287-04:00My Widow Advice # 18 Praise Ourselves For Living WellDear Carol,I’m here to tell you and your readers that today is my four year anniversary and I am indeed enjoying my life now. Don’t get me wrong. I loved my husband, but these days I look fifteen years younger than the day he died.Taking care of him for 16 months took a toll on me. I miss the man I who was my husband before he got sick. During his illness his whole personality changed and except Copyright 2010 by Carol Scibellihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15360376185565606840noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-33107129.post-27140199205539919612009-06-03T12:38:00.004-04:002009-06-03T13:22:11.067-04:00My Widow Advice #17 A Widow ConfusedHi Folks...this is out of season, like mittens because it's from the Dealing with Holidays & Anniversaries chapter of my book. Dear Carol,My kids are upset. There is a daughter, 30 and a daughter, 32. The older one is divorced with a four year old boy. They were brought up with a Christmas tree and all the dinner trimmings because my husband, Jim was Italian (I’m Jewish, but not practicing)Their Copyright 2010 by Carol Scibellihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15360376185565606840noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-33107129.post-76746736717673800912009-05-21T10:39:00.009-04:002009-05-21T17:33:23.588-04:00My Widow Advice #16 The Biggest RoleDear Carol, (PWM)I am besides myself. You always seem to put things in perspective and since you've been there I am willing to listen to what you have to say. You say it funny, too and that raises my spirits.So, here's my story. I lost my husband, Phil 3 years ago - it will be 3 years this month (May 25Th) and our 35Th wedding anniversary was last month (April 22ND) I forgot it! I forgot our Copyright 2010 by Carol Scibellihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15360376185565606840noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-33107129.post-55434462177153011452009-05-13T11:16:00.003-04:002009-05-13T12:53:59.179-04:00My Widow Advice #15 Why Do I Blog?Dear Carol,I've been following your blog and although I see you seem to help some people I don't understand how you bloggers put so much personal information out there for all the world to see. I am a private person and I like it that way. I don't need to air my dirty laundry in public. Why do you? I am sorry for your loss, but we all lose people and don't have the need to display our feelingson Copyright 2010 by Carol Scibellihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15360376185565606840noreply@blogger.com7tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-33107129.post-79984881126952436872009-05-08T15:47:00.003-04:002009-05-08T16:35:54.934-04:00My Widow Advice #14 Grief TrumpingDear Carol,My neighbor, Georgia lost her husband almost a year to the day that my Frank died. It's been a year for her and two years for me. She acts like I don't understand. We walk our dogs together twice a day and the dogs get along better than we do. You'd think we'd have some common ground here, but she has to be more upset, more lonely, was more in love - I can't stand it. Please tell me Copyright 2010 by Carol Scibellihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15360376185565606840noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-33107129.post-7273236313108535132009-05-05T09:48:00.002-04:002009-05-05T10:23:47.928-04:00My Widow Advice #13 I'm The DevilCarol -You're the DEVIL! You granted Craig forgiveness for hating taking care of his wife? Have you ever heard of "In sickness and in health?" It's okay in your nasty world to smack your husband with his sick bell?My husband Teddy was ill for 19 months and 6 days and I never complained. I wish he were here in any shape or form - alive.I never wanted to be in a bereavement group because those Copyright 2010 by Carol Scibellihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15360376185565606840noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-33107129.post-45402460610783808422009-05-03T21:26:00.003-04:002009-05-03T22:52:06.318-04:00My Widow Advice #12 Poor Widower HimHi Everyone,Before I enter today's letter let me tell you about a film that's opening at the end of this month. After watching the promo on their website I was taken. http://www.youthefilm.com/The name of the movie is "You" - about how a young father copes with the loss of his wife, raises their daughter...just take a look...it's presented beautifully.Today's letter is in this spirit, although Copyright 2010 by Carol Scibellihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15360376185565606840noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-33107129.post-28060530668946385842009-04-30T13:09:00.004-04:002009-04-30T16:40:26.122-04:00My Widow Advice #11 Did They Expect Their Husbands Would Live FOREVER?Dear Carol,My husband was 59 when he died four months ago. He would have been 60 this month. All my friends are celebrating their husband's 60th and I feel so cheated and cheated for him.Worse than that, so many have parents who are alive at 85 and 90 and are just losing their spouse now after a million years together. I just don't have the patience to listen to all this grieving over people who Copyright 2010 by Carol Scibellihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15360376185565606840noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-33107129.post-73695847801363311512009-04-27T09:57:00.005-04:002009-04-27T16:57:27.378-04:00My Widow Advice #10 Are Widows Contagious?Dear Carol,I am a group leader for a bereavement group and a follower of your blog. At first, I was skeptical and concerned about you giving advice to very vulnerable women and men. But you have proven yourself to be healing to widows and widowers. They say laughter is the best medicine and I'm not a funny person. FYI - I am going to incorporate some of your writings into my format, either by me Copyright 2010 by Carol Scibellihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15360376185565606840noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-33107129.post-45497250432334209912009-04-21T19:42:00.003-04:002009-04-21T20:11:19.649-04:00My Widow Advice #9 Chocolate Cake & LiverDear Carol, I've read that you were in two bereavement groups. I think part of the reason you had an adverse reaction to them was that you had a preconceived attitude. You must go to these gatherings with an open mind. No body is perfect and while it's nice to make friends that's not the purpose of groups.A Good Group Experience TerryDear A Good Group Experience Terry, Your 'know it allCopyright 2010 by Carol Scibellihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15360376185565606840noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-33107129.post-34190537570313607082009-04-20T14:36:00.008-04:002009-04-20T15:25:55.819-04:00My Widow Advice #8 What Do Widows Talk About?Dear Carol,I've had a very positive bereavement group experience. My group was comprised of wonderful, strong supportive women who I just knew after the first meeting would be my friends. (not all of them, of course - but four of us have formed a bond.After the tenth and last session we decided to continue meeting once a week casually for dinner. That was such a huge success and since we are all Copyright 2010 by Carol Scibellihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15360376185565606840noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-33107129.post-76896824356563475452009-03-30T12:20:00.003-04:002009-03-30T13:48:47.831-04:00My Widow Advice #7 Emily Post?Dear Carol,God forgive me - I must admit that you give me a lift and even a chuckle every now and then. That said, your last response (#6 to Laura) was in very poor taste. She was annoyed and disgusted that all the women in her group were flirting with the one man. At first you showed much insight. You told her that perhaps it wasn't flirting that the women were doing. It was giving him Copyright 2010 by Carol Scibellihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15360376185565606840noreply@blogger.com142tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-33107129.post-32296654761271129312009-03-24T12:16:00.002-04:002009-03-24T12:41:33.439-04:00My Widow Advice #6 - Poor Widower JosephDear Carol, I am at my wits end. I joined a local bereavement group in my town of Bethesda, Maryland and there is one man and nine women including me. I lost my husband Stan only four months ago and the last thing I want and need in my life is a man. I am still grieving for gosh sakes!All of the women except for me and Cynthia are being so blatant and obvious flirting and carrying on with Copyright 2010 by Carol Scibellihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15360376185565606840noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-33107129.post-73053154513251868282009-03-20T17:08:00.003-04:002009-03-20T18:21:01.450-04:00My Widow Advice #5 Helping Others Helps YouBefore I launch into today's letter I want to alert you to a wonderful site that came to my attention http://www.ilasting.com/. It's a quiet, reflective and respectful place to post photos and videos and memory notes to loved ones.I'm changing my list of 'favorites' and adding this one and others that reflect the spirit of this blog. Take a moment and click on to it. NOT NOW! I"M STILL TALKING Copyright 2010 by Carol Scibellihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15360376185565606840noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-33107129.post-87189421178928656582009-03-11T09:05:00.002-04:002009-03-11T09:48:12.180-04:00My Widow Advice #4 It IS a Wonderful LifeDear Readers, I realize that the topic for this letter is out of step with the season. Spring is a breath away and here I am talking about Christmas. Just switch it in your mind to Easter/Passover so you don't panic and think, "Damn, was I in a coma and I slept through a few seasons? I hate when that happens."Yesterday I answered this letter for a sample chapter about holidays and Copyright 2010 by Carol Scibellihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15360376185565606840noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-33107129.post-2178540268764230472009-02-26T15:55:00.003-05:002009-02-26T22:19:07.320-05:00My Widow Advice #3 Balance Sheets Don't Have a Thread CountDear Carol,I love your new format and could hardly wait to write to you. I hope you print this or write back privately.I am overwhelmed with paper. They come in the form of bills, legal papers to sign and lawyer bills. My kitchen table is so covered I need to clear a space when I put my plate down to eat. I wish I had been more aware of our finances. Bill felt he was protecting me by handling Copyright 2010 by Carol Scibellihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15360376185565606840noreply@blogger.com31tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-33107129.post-91308573989580279262009-02-19T17:49:00.004-05:002009-02-22T11:25:01.830-05:00My Widow Advice #2 - Out of the ClosetDear Carol, I'm so grateful I found your blog. I enjoy your wit and disclosure so much. It reminds me that all that I'm feeling is "normal." This Sunday, February 22nd wil be exactly one year since Bob passed on. He was ill for nearly two years and I don't need to get into the heartache that it caused me and our two girls (now ages 17 and 19) Bob was only 49.I'm writing about his clothes. FriendsCopyright 2010 by Carol Scibellihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15360376185565606840noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-33107129.post-74086497196326222922009-02-17T10:25:00.005-05:002009-02-17T12:11:14.072-05:00My Widow Advice #1 - Everything Comes With An "Oy"Hi Folks,I've gotten dozens of e-mails telling me they are happy I am changing this to an advice column and they sent me questions I will print here each new entry. Here is the first one:Dear Carol,You are amazing and have helped me so much. I think an advice column for "Poor Widow Me" is a terrific idea. I've e-mailed you before and I may be of those too pathetic to print, but here goes: My Copyright 2010 by Carol Scibellihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15360376185565606840noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-33107129.post-16378710975606606922009-02-11T11:37:00.007-05:002009-02-12T08:25:06.138-05:00Where Do I Go From Here?You may have noticed I haven't written a new entry since "I Thought I'd Be More of a Slut."Here's my dilemma. Where do I go from here? I've met someone. I'll call him "M" which is "W" upside down if you're dyslectic. I've taken myself out of the dating pool (I've never been much for swimming) to enjoy and see where this relationship goes.Here's the hitch. I don't really want to take you along forCopyright 2010 by Carol Scibellihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15360376185565606840noreply@blogger.com0